Horror 83

Last exorcism.....

2010-08-30T07:01:00.000-07:00

WOW. All i have to say is WOW. This movie was a little over an hour, and was really really bad. The main characters were way too over developed and the plot was not. I want my $10.50 back please. It was really short, really boring, and extremely predictable. It would have been better suited as a lifetime movie.
Some good points, the actress who played "Nell" (aka possessed girl) did a really good job with what she was handed for a script. She moved well, and had facial expressions that were perfectly suited for the situation. The film work was done decently well, although slightly reminiscent of the blair witch project. The plot and script had definite potential... until the last 10 minutes. If you don't want to know what happens in that 10 minutes, read no further....
SPOILER!!!!
So it was a cult... a fucking cult. Really? Why. Why would they do that. So over played, so TV movie, so pathetic for them to take it there. It was so poorly done and made no sense. Its like they ran out of script after she got freaky and got stoned and were like "Hey man.. we should totally make this a cult and there will be fire and shit man.. yeah!". Seriously- what were they thinking!
All in all, i give this film (as seen in the theater) a GENEROUS D. If it was a lifetime movie i would give it a C+

Im back... and so is the cheese

2010-08-30T07:00:00.001-07:00

Ok. It has been a while. I get it. So here is the latest review....

What to Do...

2009-10-09T08:44:00.000-07:00

Do I see "Zombieland" or "Paranormal Activity" tonight...

SPOILER!!

2009-10-02T13:17:00.000-07:00

Hello Boys and Ghouls.. here is a "leaked" picture courtesy of forcesofgeek.com of what the new Freddy supposedly looks like in the forthcoming remake of Nightmare on Elm St.
I am personally not a fan, but.. I dunno, i'll still give it the benefit of the doubt. I did enjoy this man as Rorschach. What are your opinions?

"The Unborn", Should have never been born

2009-10-02T07:53:00.000-07:00

It was ok. Not fantastic. I was horrified at the start with the dog with the mask on, but my fear quickly turned to laughs when I heard this:

"JUMBY wants to be born now."

Wait rewind...

"JUMBY wants to be born now."

Jumby? Are you freakin kidding me? JUMBY? They could not have given this satanic child another name than JUMBY! I was rolling around laughing (I should add that i was 2 VT brewed Double Bag-ed in) But seriosuly- every time I saw him I wanted to sing a silly song, or give him a giant lolly-pop.

There were some scary scenes, the dogs, the CREEPY old dude who ripped off the Exorcist spider walk... but i would say, all in all, D+ material. Judge for yourself. Did anyone happen to get nervous opening their medicine cabinet?

Image from "The Unborn"

Catch the Unborn

Blair Witch 2009..?

2009-09-28T09:56:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry this blog has resolved to trailers and few words, but hey.. images are worth 1,000 words, right? This blog is Donald Trump rich in knowledge of the dark side.. so fresh on the heels of the Freddy Remake here is something quasi-original. I don't know much about the movie and am not sure if its "real footage" or "looks real, but isn't footage".. but it looks like a damn good time! What do you think?

Cant wait I love it!!!!!!

2009-09-28T09:09:00.000-07:00

A Nightmare on Elm Street in HD

Do not eat "Coraline" with Mushrooms

2009-09-18T06:16:00.000-07:00

"Coraline" is one of the most amazing movie's I have ever seen! How this film was made for children I am not sure... It was terrifying!

The visuals were amazing and when I say amazing I mean out of this world unbelievable. SEVERAL times through out the movie I said out loud- OH MY GOD am I really seeing this? Things that don't make sense make sense. It is a modern day life like Alice in Wonderland.

Through the ribbed tunnel that oddly resembled a fallopian tube in "Coraline" the main character goes into a different world. The tunnel passageway between both worlds was symbolic in that form because she was going to see her mother on either side, symbolising birth and seeing your mother "for the first time". This is my own take on it but I'm willing to take more ideas in!

Things seem great at first then oddly take a weird turn to scare your socks off. This film is 5 star seen with or without the 3D glasses.

Image from alexmasterson.wordpress.com

NEW MOON update

2009-09-18T06:13:00.000-07:00

My friends over at at Fandango.com have reported that there are FIFTY pre sale sell outs to the movie "New Moon". I just want all of you to keep in mind the insanity of this- "New Moon" does not come out for TWO MONTHS! Has this ever happened before???

Twilight lights a New Moon?

2009-09-09T09:22:00.000-07:00

The world has gone Vampire crazy since the birth of the "Twilight" movies. There are books there are "celebutarts" there are fans willing to do anything that has to to with this new Vamp phenomenon. But is this just? Is it seriously THAT good? Did the world see the same dorky movie that I saw? I just don't get it. My sister who has never opened a non-school book in her life spends her nights reading this series... READING! What! Is fairy-like Vamps all it took to get her to open a book? Why didnt she get hooked on the fairies from "Ferngully" now that was a damn good movie....

Yes, there is sex and love and fear and a new world... But there were all those things in the movie "the Notebook" and "Pocahantus". How did this blow up so big? Would you buy advanced tickets for "Twilight the New Moon"? What do you think?

Click here to buy "Twilight" Movies and Swag

(images from: http://www.fortunespawn.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/blood_spatter.jpg as well as baltimoremagazine.net)

Last House, Good Call

2009-09-09T06:49:00.001-07:00

I saw the original "Last house on the Left" in college over spring break with some great friends. It was fantastic. How my friend and I (who are MAJOR horror fanatics) convinced regular people to watch this film at a beach house I'm not sure.

I was nervous about seeing the remake because (we all know how i feel about remakes) of the fear of a classic being destroyed in my memory. This film was ANYTHING but destroyed. It was perfectly mimicked.

It was a modern take on the original movie, but all the same elements were there. The killers still had the same raw punk edge to them, and there was one element I remember distinctly. It the original film the killers shared a sense of vanity that was STRIKING. For example- any time one of the three were hurt, there was an over reaction of ANGER. This is seen in the movie remake with the female killer getting SO angry when she is burned with a car lighter. She gets so mad that it will leave a scar forever, even though she is killing people she does not care- all she cares about is herself. This character in the original gets angry when she is struck with a rock for the same reason- she will have a scar. What I find amazing is that these characters have a trait that could go unnoticed to the movie watcher, yet is a discrete link to the personality of the character. It is smart. It is bold. It is real.

The remake was just as good in my opinion, however I was MUCH more disturbed by the rape scene than I was in the original. It was long. It was graphic. It was scary. I tried really hard not to fast forward through it because it was so graphic and long. It was horrifying in the original as well, however it was taken to a new level in the remake.

The gore was B+ at most, and I will say there is one thing that is STILL confusing me about this film- the ending. I wont spoil it with names and characters but once you have seen it you will know what I am saying- WHY THE FUCKING MICROWAVE. It was cooL- explosion and all- but it was the MOST out of place weird thing in the film.

I would say for the most part, AMAZING work. You stuck with the story but did not ruin it with too much modern bull shit. It was timeless setting and a timeless story- Remember one thing... NEVER let people stay at your house, NEVER go into a stranger's motel room for drugs and NEVER give up trying- its all you got left sometimes.

(Photos from cinemachine.blogspot.com and collider.com)

See both original and remake to compare on DVD and Blueray

True Blood is True Fun

2009-07-29T11:45:00.000-07:00

Alright. I get it. Not exactly high class. However.... I am glued to my TV every Sunday night and have even refused leaving my living room even though I could DVR it. I don't know what it is about this show that has people hooked. Its season two now, and the acting is average, and the plot is somewhat silly... BUT I LOVE it. The characters are mind grabbing and easy to fall in love with. The "did they seriously just do that" moments are as long as the show is too short and I grit my teeth at the end of every episode hoping it wont be the end. Death scenes are as violent as HBO could be, and the scariness of the show is as deep as a fish tank. So what is in store for the show? Its hard to tell. I refuse to start reading the series because I am so in love with the show. It will ruin it for me. I will wait until the show gets canceled- which will hopefully be in 10 seasons or so. Check out True Blood on HBO Sunday nights at 9. You'll see.

Check out True Blood The Complete Seasons

"Let the Right One In"

2009-03-27T10:29:00.000-07:00

Hey there Horror Geeks.. i got another movie for you to see. I'm skipping the whole.. review thing, simply because i don't want to take the time and write it all out. I just saw this last night and i found it incredible. This is not a paint-by-numbers horror film. It's probably the first dutch horror film i've ever seen. So, you don't have to take my word for it, but see this movie!

"Let the Right One In" on DVD and Blue Ray

A haunting? There was a Haunt?

2009-03-03T07:57:00.000-08:00

"The Haunting of Molly Hartley" (2008) Well... this was D rated shit, but not unwatchable. It was the Hills meets the Craft, but worth peekin at for some fun. What should have been a Lifetime movie babysitter shit turned up on the "Big Screen" last year, now available for you rental junkies. Enjoy?

"The Haunting of Molly Hartly" on DVD and Blueray

I found this interesting about AHICT...

2009-03-03T07:46:00.000-08:00

"Back in 1992, the book now titled "In A Dark Place: The Story of A True Haunting" was published by Villard Books(3) and proved to be one of the most horrifying stories ever told. Well written to the point where the reader would not be able to tell if the work was fiction or real life,
Garton describes the story of the Snedeker house, using the building for a perfect plot that would later influence more stories and ultimately the movie that is being released this year. Now out of print, "In A Dark Place" is supposed to be a detailed description of the events the Snedekers witnessed while living in the former funeral parlor: crosses being removed, men with large irises beign seen late at night, groups of men seen in the basement, family members levitating during the exorcism, furniture moving by itself, and ghosts turning into fireballs.(4) While many would think that such a scary book would at least be in reprint, it started to arouse the curiosity of those who are seriously into hauntings and possessions. While the Warrens were called in on the case, the Snedeker family had a hard time dealing with the reality of the story: that most of it was not true at all, that their son was maybe not ill with cancer, but he was experimenting with drugs which most likely did cause hallucinations. Garton was reticent about the book being called a "true story" but finished the story per his contract. He was also interested in the work the Warrens did and even interviewed the Snedeker family but soon discovered that each family member's account conflicted with each other. He was however willing to write a story and proved to be a gifted storyteller in the realm of horror. After learning a few details from the Warrens about the Snedekers, Garton finished his end of the deal, making money for both himself, the Warrewns, and the Snedekers. While Garton wound up a bit disallusioned about the Warrens, feeling he was cheated, weaving a really good horror story was all that mattered to the Warrens and the Snedekers, even if none of it was true. The Snedeker house was not haunted, their teenage son was never possessed, although he was under the influence of drugs. Garton even questions if the boy really had cancer, since he wasn't allowed to meet with the allegedly sick boy.(5)
Real ghostbusters are willing to produce some evidence of the spirit world influencing the material world, even if it may appear impossible to do so. The two realms do not normally clash with each other like that on a daily basis, even in the most disturbed family homes. There is, however, the power of suggestion that can eventually influence the person doing the suggesting as well as those around him or her. This simply means that one can makes oneself believe a place is really haunted. For the Snedekers, this meant a stressful period in their lives: the potential loss of a son due to drug use, discovering their home was a funeral parlor, plus their own religious faith. It is not without coincidence that many stories and films involving hauntings and exorcisms are rooted in the Roman Catholic faith. "The Exorcist", "The Amityville Horror" and its numerous installments, "The Exorcism of Emily Rose", and "A Haunting in Connecticut" all share this element. Was there a possible motive by the Snedekers? In the case of their son with the drug problem, yes. The family had some financial problems, maybe from attempting to get help for their son, but seemed to be willing to have thought up a way to solve that problem: call in a couple of self professed ghostbusters, create a story for the media, and start letting the money roll in. Garton admits that those families who feel they have a problem with where they live, should be seeking psychologists, not ghostbusters, who would just take advantage of the family and create a story that does not exist. Such events may give the phrases "skeletons in the family closet" and "dealing with your demons" a whole new meaning, but when it comes to the real thing, genuine hauntings are very few and far between."
Story told from: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1520382/the_haunting_in_connecticut_the_film_pg3.html?cat=40

OOOOOPS

2009-03-03T06:21:00.000-08:00

The date for a haunting in CT is NOT in June- it is March 27th 2009. Could we be any happier? I think NOT! This is great news and I'm sorry I was fooled into thinking that it was in June. So pumped- this is going to be a GREAT one. I have SUPER high hopes for this flick- and I feel I won't be let down.

Picture of "A Haunting in Connecticut" Courtesy of: http://tinyurl.com/chmml4

Check out the Haunt on DVD and Bluray

Friday the 13th.. PART 12!!!!

2009-02-26T07:59:00.000-08:00

Okay, so a weekend ago i saw Friday the 13th.. the NEW REMAKE. A remake of a classic movie? How unique!! Anyways, yea.. I have good news for the masses.. it honestly ain't that bad.

The movie takes place in a.. semi-separate dimension.. between the first film and the 2nd and 3rd. If your not familiar with the story-line.. its about a child that was ignored by camp councilors and left to drown. Years later he comes back as a machete wielding, hockey mask wearing, super-mutant-of-a-man and slays anything and everything that enjoys premarital sex, drugs, and an overall good time. I'm pretty sure its roots are from classic horror story told at camps around the world.

Welp, this time around the infamous Camp Crystal Lake is a secret pot haven that college kids flock to in order to get free weed. The back-story is still there.. but, one thing i noticed is the story lacked an origin story for Jason (Other than the whole drowning thing. You never get why he's alive.. or if he's a ghost or something different), which i am totally fine with, but it does leave a gaping hole at the beginning of the film. I honestly don't want to ruin anything so i'll stop with the synopsis and get to the reviewing.

Now when i saw the original trailer.. i was a little hesitant. Seeing Michael Bay's name attached to the project honestly was a deterrent for me. Anything this guy has produced in the last decade has been garbage, or borderline garbage (Unborn, Transformers, TCM remakes, The Hitcher, etc. ). SO, my expectations for this film was set pretty damn low.

The opening 30 minutes were pretty epic.. and i am surprised horror movies haven't utilized the same setup.. or maybe they have and i haven't seen them. Honestly, its ingenious. All the actors held up pretty well and there were some GORGEOUS titties in this film. At one point, whilst fuckin a chick, a guy is constantly complementing her breasts ("Your nipple placement is amazing!") and honestly, all the guys in the audience are thinking the same thing. The kills are subtle nods to the films of the past and are semi-creative and well done. There isn't much gore in the film, which i am also fine with. I think some films can take gore to an extreme.. to a point where it actually works against the film. The pacing is decent.. your always waiting for Jason to appear and kill something, but near the end it drags slightly. People who go to see this movie and expect to witness horror glory.. something brand new and mind blowing are going to be disappointed. This is the 12th addition to this particular franchise.. so its hard to be original. Honestly, the film doesn't take itself to seriously.. the dialogue is laughable at times, even some of the deaths.. but i think thats what they were going for. Its just a good time. Again, it reminds me of the old Slasher genre.. where the audience bounces between rooting for the characters and rooting for the monster.

Now the gripes. Jason has become a mystical ninja-like being that can teleport and stab things through objects with uncanny precision. At one point in the film Jason kills a man outside near a house.. the camera pans to the window where everyone's watching/listening to the screams, then pans above the window.. and Jason is standing on the roof. Really? He's this giant ogre-like man. I don't think he runs once in the film.. he just appears! Again, this brings me to wonder if he was meant to be a ghost of sorts.. but.. he takes damage like a regular human. Anyways, if you can deal with that.. you can enjoy the movie more. Also, a lot of the creepy old people that appeared in the in TCM remake appear in this one! That pissed me off a little and honestly took me out of the whole atmosphere of the film. Shouldn't those folks be in some dusty Texas town? Why are they near a lush camp suddenly? Boooooo.

Overall its a campy good time. Have a drink or two prior to seeing the movie.. feel free to yell at the screen and say "What the fuck!?" a few times. It doesn't totally make sense.. but its a fun time! A decent afternoon for $8.

Overall Rating: B

Check out all 900 films on DVD and BlueRay (ok maybe there is not that many....)

Natzi's

2009-02-12T12:06:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I (DevilsDoormat) am a movie nerd.. and this was brought to my attention today via my buddy Ryan. What does it have to do with Horror? Well i think it marks Eli Roth's first acting debut (YES he's been in other films, but never a main character).. aka the director behind such gems as Hostel 1, Hostel 2, Cabin Fever, and the glorious Thanksgiving trailer in Grindhouse. So here it is.. Tarantino's upcoming flick.. Inglorious Bastards!

My Retort..

2009-02-10T09:18:00.000-08:00

SPEAKING OF BRUTAL BEATINGS... i got one for ya. This is from the movie i reviewed earlier.. the scene that i "almost fast forwarded through". I sent it to my friend and he complained about how fake it looked, but i guess you had to watch the entire movie for this to really effect you. Either way.. let the blood flow.. WARNING: Graphic violence ensues.. Buy it from Amazon or watch the trailer

SOUP IT TO ME!

2009-02-10T09:00:00.000-08:00

OK, this is one of THE COOLEST beatings i have ever seen- Was it blood? Was it soup? I don't know! (its about half way through this VERY fucked up movie from the 90's called "Nowhere"... Not horror but a good-mind fuck with an alien...

And it strikes again

2009-02-05T08:26:00.000-08:00

"COLLINSVILLE, Ill.—Pranksters in at least three states are messing with electronic road signs meant to warn motorists of possible traffic problems by putting drivers on notice about Nazi zombies and raptors. And highway safety officials aren't amused.
The latest breach came Tuesday during the morning rush hour near Collinsville, Ill., where hackers changed a sign along southbound Interstate 255 to read, "DAILY LANE CLOSURES DUE TO ZOMBIES."

A day earlier in Indiana's Hamilton County, the electronic message on a board in Carmel's construction zone warned drivers of "RAPTORS AHEAD—CAUTION."

And signs in Austin, Texas, recently flashed: "NAZI ZOMBIES! RUN!!!" and "ZOMBIES IN AREA! RUN."

Officials in Illinois are concerned the rewritten signs distract motorists from heeding legitimate hazards down the road. The hacked sign on Tuesday originally warned drivers of crews replacing guardrails.

"We understood it was a hoax, but at the same time those boards are there for a reason," said Joe Gasaway, an Illinois Department of Transportation supervisory field engineer. "We don't want (drivers) being distracted by a funny sign."

Authorities haven't figured out how pranksters access the signs. Gasaway believes the Illinois sign was changed remotely, and Austin Public Works spokeswoman Sara Hartley suspected the hackers there cut a padlock to get into the signs' computers.

Some Web sites, such as Jalopnik.com, have published tutorials titled "How to Hack an Electronic Road Sign" as a way to alert security holes to traffic-safety officials. Jalopnik urges its readership of 2.6 million a month not to put its lesson to practice.

"Hacking generally is about showing where there are holes in security systems, and I think this is a great example of that," the site's editor-in-chief, Ray Wert, told The Associated Press by telephone Wednesday. "I'm sure there are all sorts of ways to use that information in a way that's inappropriate, but we're trying to make clear this is an issue that needs to be confronted by traffic safety and transportation officials."

Wert said he had no immediate plans to take down Jalopnik's how-to guide.

In Illinois, tampering with an official traffic control device is a misdemeanor punishable by up to a $250 fine—half what a culprit might have to pay in Texas if caught. If convicted in Indiana, a culprit faces up to a year in jail and $5,000 in fines." (story courtesy of: http://ydr.inyork.com/ci_11628613)

It seems as though the makers of "Dead Snow" are also friends with the makers of "Jurassic Park"... Maybe there will be another Jurassic movie? Wouldn't surprise me now-a-days...
Picture of Raptor sign courtesy of: http://ydr.inyork.com/ci_11628613

Please put the monkey back in the jungle

2009-02-04T10:20:00.000-08:00

Publicity stunt? I think so

2009-01-30T07:02:00.000-08:00

I may be wrong (and i usually am) but could it be possible that this is a publicity stunt by the makers of upcoming Indie-Flick "Dead Snow"? You can be the judge...

Can't Wait till' JUNE of 2009!

2009-01-29T10:11:00.000-08:00

This movie ("A Haunting in CT" 2009) looks AMAZING and FINALLY! An ORIGINAL!!!! I guess...even though it was once a documentary/reenactment on the Discovery Channel...
This shiz looks AMAZING! I remember watching it on Discovery and thinking- wow, this would make a great movie. It was well done- I hope the movie is just as good! At least the trailer looks good...

PLEASE! "Last House on the Left" (2009)

2009-01-26T13:06:00.000-08:00

Can ANYONE make a new horror movie? At least Wes Craven is a part of this. We'll see, but I'm PISSED!

Im Scared

2009-01-26T08:17:00.000-08:00

This is a little scary. Don't get me wrong- I LOVE Bridget Marquardt (she is smart, funny, LOVES horror Movies, and Loves to dress up in Costume (hello, so do I) but, this movie makes me sad. She had the potential to do so many great things being the producer of this flick. It seems like it has some bad acting from Holly Madison and some great acting from Bridget herself, but PLEASE! If another bad movie comes out I think I may scream- not in a scared way. I will give this movie a chance until i see it like i do all movies, but i hope for her movie career sake this ones not as bad as the trailer.

Words can't even describe....

2009-01-26T08:02:00.000-08:00

Even though I prepared myself for the worst, there was still a glimmer of hope going into seeing this movie ("My Bloody Valentine 3D" 2009).
It was quite possibly one of the worst movies i have ever seen, and that is pretty bad because I have seen some bad ones. I was optimistic seeing the crowd pour into the theater- it was almost a full house. I thought to myself, hmmm... this must be a good sign because it is not opening weekend, so maybe this will be a good movie after all. Holy Shit was I wrong.
This movie started off making no sense, and ended the same way- DUMB. The 3D effects were well done, but it felt more like seeing a short on how to make 3D effects then a good story. Even though I know it was a remake, it could have been WORLDS better. The idea of doing a remake is to bring the fan base from the original to a new, brighter movie.
This movie was just sad- I actually felt bad for the actor's future careers. People laughing is NOT what I want to hear at a horror flick- and neither is hearing myself laughing. There was a scene at the beginning where a character walked around naked for well over 10 minutes- sure sign there that there is some great scenes in this movie.
The plot led you in confusing turns and twists, and they never made much sense- even at the long awaited end. The acting reminded me of the butlers character from "Mr. Deeds" (you know the very sneeky guy). They seemed to slide in and out of the frame with no merit to where they came from or why they were there- which made it comical.
The highlight of the movie for me, was when it ended. I DO NOT recommend going to see this movie, unless you want a good laugh. It made me want to throw up that I payed $12 to sit through it.

Bring on the Pink Eye

2009-01-23T13:57:00.000-08:00

FINALLY going to see "My Bloody Valentine 3D" (2009) tonight.
I'm wishing that the 3D glasses are germ free and disposable- or I'm lookin at a case of the Pink Eye like I got in Orlando last year (thank you Super Man Ride).
Maybe I'll even get over priced popcorn...and some candy...
So, with nothing but my hoodie on my back...
I'm hoping for decent and PRAYING for a good flick.

Uwe Boll.... of CRAP!

2009-01-22T06:22:00.000-08:00

Oh Uwe Boll (You-Bowl), i don't even know where to begin. Uwe Boll is the notorious director of such amazing movies as; BloodRayne, In the Name of the King: Dungeon Siege, Postal, House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark. Yes, this is the man responsible for almost every video game movie to come out in the last 10 years.. and each one was complete crap. The media has torn into this poor man over and over again and it has gotten to the point where I actually felt sorry for him. SO, when i saw that he made a legit, NON-VIDEO GAME, movie.. i was willing to forget everything i ever knew about his work and judge his work on a clean slate. The name of this movie is SEED.

"Max Seed (Will Sanderson), a man responsible for the death of 666 people over the past 6 years, is on the loose. The cops have just received videos portraying the death and decomposition of creatures ranging from a cockroach to a full-grown woman. Somehow, they trace the videos to the residence of Seed and head in to put a stop to the madman. The lead man on the case, Detective Matt Bishop (Michael Paré), captures Seed and brings him in. Seed is soon sentenced to death by electric chair. . . thats when the problems start. As we learn from the opening slide of the film, state law says that anyone who survives three shocks in the chair is legally permitted to go free. After the second shock fails to stop Seeds heart, the Warden Arnold Calgrove (Ralf Moeller) and Dr. Parker Wickson (Andrew Jackson) decide to declare Seed dead anyway to risk his escape. Seed is then buried and forgotten. . . but crazed serial killers dont forget that easily. Seed soon returns from the grave, very much alive, and starts a brutal vengeance tour through all those that wronged him. " (Synopsis via IMDB)

Alright, so the Synopsis doesn't seem to original, but this film had its moments, mainly in the gore category, but that is where my hatred for this film is spawned.

The thing that bugged me most about this film was its opening. It literally starts with a message from Uwe Boll stating:

"This movie contains graphic and disturbing footage of real events. We have incorporated this footage into the context of this film to make a statement about humanity. For more information.. visit http://www.peta.org"

Whoa whoa whoa, what?! RED FLAG!

What follows is roughly 5 minutes of animals being brutalized while Max Seed watches in silence. We get to see a boiled dog-like animal thats still alive.. another animal being skinned alive.. and numerous cuts of animals being smashed around by people. Fantastic. Honestly, it was a good mood setter for what was about to be vomited on screen, but i thought he went a little to far. In the first 5 minutes you begin to get the idea this is a giant ad for PETA.. and it pretty much was.

There was another scene in particular that i almost fast forwarded through, but i stuck to my guns and watched. It was like watching a train wreck, you just couldn't turn away. I think THIS was what he was getting at. We see things happening to people in horror movies and are pretty much unphased. We always put confidence in the director that he won't push it to far and he'll protect us. In this one scene there was no comfort level. Max Seed had captured another victim and placed her in a chair.. then moved from light taps with a hammer.. to full on running at her and swinging. Sound cliche? Well the camera never moves once.. never cuts once and lasts about 3 minutes. It was the most powerful scene in the movie, but when it was over i felt it was PETA saying "You can sit by as animals are murdered like this. How do you feel when you see a human murdered this way?" It was just to much, honestly... and i've seen A LOT of horror movies. I can't help but wonder if the opening scene didn't have that message from Uwe Boll, i would have viewed this scene differently.

It was here where i felt Uwe Boll totally has no idea how to bring artistry to a movie. He doesn't know how to make a point other than (no pun intended) bashing us over the head with it. Also, this movie was supposedly taking place in 1979.. and other than put ANY production values into this film he shot much of it in dark-lit areas to cover up the fact the film was made in 2007. He also used a handheld camera for much of the movie.. i assume to give it an indie/gritty feel, but in the end it just made it more and more apparent that this director truly has no right to make films NOR get them on the big screen... which i don't think SEED was.

The acting was nothing special either. Matt Bishop (Will Sanderson) did the best with what he was given, but at no point did you really feel a connection to him. Uwe's introduction to the Matt Bishop character was almost laughable. Almost all the other characters were robots and i don't think one person in particular had more than 20 lines in the movie.

Alright, so in conclusion.. i give this movie a C-. I think if they edited it another way, took out the animal brutality in the beginning, and tied up a few loose ends.. it could have been an underground cult classic. As it is.. i'd only recommend this movie to Gore-Hounds (there are some amazing scenes of gore) and PETA fans.

Until next time.

-Devilsdoormat.

Picture of "Seed" from: http://www.impawards.com

Oh Yeah? HELL YA!

2009-01-21T13:07:00.000-08:00

Official Poster Revealed!!

2009-01-21T11:35:00.000-08:00

Picture of "H2" (2009) Courtesy of: http://tinyurl.com/73wbr8

Meet the Hamilton Family...

2009-01-21T06:29:00.000-08:00

"The Hamiltons" (2006) was one of the first movies in the "8 Films to Die For" series a couple years ago, and DEFINITELY one of my favorites. An old fashion scare-a-thon, this movie has your basic dysfunctional family who is just trying to fit into society.

Oldest brother is the caretaker of them all (the parents "died in an accident") and from the beginning the creepy comb-over is, creepy enough. Young brother and the "twins" (one goth one heartthrob) make the family and they are just adorable. Bwa-ha-ha...

In order to be a part of the family- you have to collect things, and all of those things are people. The youngest brother is on the cusp of freaking out about the family secret- and being a part of it. He struggles to gain acceptance from his family and having nurturing feelings to one of the collections. The family is full of sociopaths and inappropriate relationships with each other (mainly the dirtiness of the twins). They keep moving from town to town, because eventually their collections turn up missing and the world get suspicious. Its hard to keep quiet in a bloody world when you have a social worker who gets suspicious...

Is this movie a Hard-Core-Horror Gore Masterpiece? No. However- I LOVE this movie. It is Pure Evil, Pure Fun, and Partial Gore. "The Hamilton Family" (2006) uses classic horror scare tactics and doesn't throw blood in your face, but implies it which to me can be just as effective as seeing it. I really enjoyed getting sucked into this family and their twisted tale directed by non-other than the cleverly named
"Butcher Brothers"... I think we will see these directors in the future. I predict big things from them.

Picture from "The Hamiltons" (2006) Courtesy of: http://tinyurl.com/9p8vzt

It's Gonna Be WILD

2009-01-20T10:45:00.000-08:00

The Popular Children's Horror Book will now be a Movie! (I knew I would be destined for a life of Horror movies). I LOVED this book as a child and my sister would scream and hide from looking at the pictures:
I remember being FASCINATED by my sister's fear of this book- not in a creepy "Serial Killer" way but in a confused way (how did that book make her do that!).
I'm sure my adult sister won't find this movie scary now, but the memory will always be there.
Plus, I have seen pictures and clips of this upcoming movie and it looks intense.
"Where the Wild Things Are" comes to Theaters October 2009.

POST DEDICATED TO DANI

Picture from the Film "Where the Wild Things Are" (2009) is from: http://tinyurl.com/a5afks

STABBED MOVIEGOER?

2009-01-19T13:29:00.000-08:00

Really? I mean Really? Its stuff like this that RUINS the horror industry........
A Kid got STABBED after the movie "My Bloody Valentine 3D" (2009) by a security guard who tried to force the youth out of the building. The poor kid was just waiting for his ride home (see, from his mother like i mentioned in a previous post). The youth was rushed to a nearby hospital to get 6 stitches in his stomach. Why did it have to be at a horror movie? I mean C'mon! Maybe we can all watch "Scream 3" (2000) to get some pointers for next time.........
To read more about this stabbing see the article at: http://tinyurl.com/7omgyz

"My Bloody Valentine"

2009-01-19T06:22:00.000-08:00

The reviews are in and they look decent- not great but not awful so ill take a chance. Next weekend though- I like to wait until the teenie-boppers have had their fix (my mom wont be dropping me off so ill wait). I hope to throw on some pink eye disinfected glasses and jump into the ride.
Picture of "my Bloody Valentine" Courtesy of: http://www.exclaim.ca/

13 Fear is Real? Not on a Fake Set...

2009-01-14T18:05:00.000-08:00

"13 FEAR IS REAL" (2009)? Is it great TV? No. Is it ok TV? Yeah it's ok. This show had MAJOR potential to actually be cool, but it turned into a horror show- and not in a good way. It is mildly horrifically entertaining, yet extremely comical.

The Basis of the Reality show is 13 twenty-somethings stuck in the middle of nowhere in a swamp faced with a scary situations and bazaar twists and turns- yes, there are bugs.

Just like survivor and fear factor, there are challenges that the group must go through to avoid being kicked off the island...oh shit I meant to say avoid the elimination round. The elimination (they call it the execution...much spookier to say) has the people on the chopping block get out of scary horror like scenarios in order to stay on the show.

Last week two girls were buried alive and had to break through the coffin and the ground to stay "alive". I'm pretty sure even though one succeeded the break out both girls "stayed alive". I don't understand why these people are so scared of the dark- its a freakin reality show that has a camera crew on every turn.

This weeks episode had the execution round with a chained cage of rats on their heads. The rats had no way of getting to their faces, and even if they had, they really would not have messed them up that bad- rats you buy for TV usually are not vicious, just slightly nibbly.

Do i recommend this Horrific Horror Reality TV Show?
Sure! Just don't get pissed, it's just reality TV not anything worth while.

Dead Snow? I'll Watch it at NINE!

2009-01-14T09:28:00.001-08:00

I'm actually VERY-Kind-of interested to see this Indie-Flick......
http://www.deadsnow.com/

Picture from "Dead Snow" Courtesy of: twitchfilm.net

C'MON!

2009-01-14T06:14:00.000-08:00

Is "Quarantine" (2008) out on DVD yet! GEEEEEEZ! I missed this in the theater and I want to see it now! I think the DVD release is Feb. 17th 2009- WAY too far away! Jennifer Carpenter from "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" (2005) is an AMAZING actress and I cant wait to see her performance in this movie. I know that "Quarantine" is a remake of the Spanish movie "REC" and that it got bad reviews- but that never stops me!

Photo of Jennifer Carpenter, "Quarantine" (2008) Courtesy of: www.shocktillyoudrop.com

The trip may be worth it

2009-01-13T18:36:00.000-08:00

When you scream in your grave in a Haitian graveyard, does it really make a sound? In Wes Craven's "The Serpant and the Rainbow" (1988) he brings to life a near true story- well, the part with the zombies at least. The story of Christophe and Margarete is true- it has been documented that they were dead and found wandering the streets many moons later. One thing is truly certain, when a shaman tells you that you need to drink the liquid that makes you trip your balls off, you had better do it to get your spirit saving animal.

Wes Craven shows his familiar side, symbolism and visuals so wonderfully put together you would say that tree branch is actually a human hand. Is what we have decided in our own culture as an over flow from hell really a voodoo curse of the living dead?

Whenever i see cemeteries that are above ground I get a creepy feeling (I saw a TON of these while rebuilding houses in Honduras- they scared the shit out of me). This is seen most times in places with a high water table (New Orleans). One thing that did confuse me in this movie, was the vast abundance of these raised graves and all the "zombies" made in the movie seemed to be buried under ground. Was this done because of it being an American made movie for a greater effect? Was the book depicted in the same way I would love to find out but I am lazy and not in a reading mood this evening. I am sure, however that no matter which way a voodoo priest buries you it cant be good. I guess no one wants to be buried alive now do they... and there is a lot less dirt to crawl through when there is none of it on top of you.

I do hope that no goats were harmed in the making of this movie.

Picture of Puffer Fish from: www.nationalgeographic.com

Let the Beating Begin

2009-01-13T11:54:00.000-08:00

I know I'm going to get beat up for saying this- but i am SO sick of people saying that the Halloween Movies were the best horror movies of all time. Really? I mean... REALLY?
Somewhere stuffed in between Baby-Sitter shit and Soft-Core-Horror, these movies lacked any kind of actual fear....oooooooo I'm afraid of the man that i let catch up with me when he walks slower than an 80 year old man oooooo.
If those of you just read that and said to yourself, "but that's what makes him so scary!" then you really have to check your reality.
That does not make something scary- it makes you confused into thinking that its scary.

Now Rob Zombies rendition- that's some scary shit.

Little boy (Daeg Faerch) who looks like a living Blond Chucky Doll?
Scary.
Little Boy who moves super quickly to kill his nurse?
Scary.
Little Boy Strong as hell who grows up to be a part time lifer in a mental ward that makes him more crazy?
Scary.
Fat old man walking at a pace of George Burns?
LAME.

Any Questions?

Picture of "Halloween" Courtesy of: www.gonemovies.com

Something to Really Fear

2009-01-12T19:23:00.000-08:00

"Fear" (1996) I have decided should have been made into a Lifetime movie instead of a full length film. How this sorry excuse for a Horror\Thriller\creepy movie grossed as much money in the box office as it did blows my mind. Hottie-Hot Markie Mark aside, its nice to see a chubby pre-Legally Blond star and a washed up, finally made into those Lifetime Movies Sam from Who's the Boss from before they were on the covers of the tabloids.
As I always have, I continue to revisit this movie, time and time again, because it was teenage should not be watching it fun from when i was a kid. Is it Horror? Yeah because I ALWAYS have to fast-forward the part with the poor Dog getting it's dead skull rammed through the dog door- that's the real scary shit.
This movie had SOME good parts, like when Mark (eh, sorry David) beats himself in the chest with that fucked up look in his eyes. Or, when Toby (little bro) runs over one of the thugs in his mom's jeep attempting to make a call on the (hahahhaha) car phone. It has some good suspense, but sadly, it was ALL saved for the last 15 minutes of this movie. Fluff-Fluff-BAM!
But, all-in-all, "Fear" is a thriller wrapped in what wants to be a horror movie but wont even quite make it to the babysitter channel.
Mark Wahlberg's entourage in this movie should have worked harder- they never made it past the Lost Boys dressing room. His homies in the movie were so super stereotypical mid-90's thugs they gave Jay and Silent Bob a run for there money- well...not really. Don't worry Mark, you made much better movies (like... um, um, .... the Happening was at least a C-) so, say hi to your mutha for me alright?

Picture "Fear" Courtesy of: www.xanga.com

Soft-Core Horror

2009-01-12T12:59:00.000-08:00

Dubbed responsible for anything I decide, Soft-Core Horror is not as it sounds.

SOFT-CORE HORROR is anything that has a plot, yet still has a large amount of jazz-er-size to it. Such as the remake of "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (2003). PLENTY of bloody n hanging from a meat hook, and PLENTY of sappy story about a lovely couple. Together, the combination makes for an amazing horror movie that is easy to put yourself into. When you can relate to a character, you feel more fear.

PURE-Horror is dubbed for anything that is lacks a mind-altering plot- such as the original "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (1973) with the running, running, running, (ving-ving) running and running some more. This movie was AMAZING, and carried everything that is needed in true horror- blood and death and some ving-ving. Don't get me wrong, i am a big fan of the Ving-Ving, but I feel as though it needs a little more.

Now in a genre all its own, is what i like to call Baby-Sitter-Horror. This is minimal nasty-gore-effects and maximum lame story. Perfect example of this, is the remake of the movie "Shutter" (2008), when that kid from Dawson's Creek talks WAY too much and there is an occasional eeek-jump moment with some creepy dead chick. When the plot outweighs the gore- you have yourself a shitty Baby-Sitter-Horror Movie.

So... The results? Soft-Core-Horror is the way to go.

Best 3 DVD's from 2003

2009-01-12T11:12:00.000-08:00

#1. Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the remake.
It's not every movie that a disturbed hitch-hiker has a gun holster in her vagina. It is, on the other hand, every horror movie that you see a girl in a wet (white) t-shirt run through a frozen meat locker with no bra. This movie carries it's own cliches, but in a good way that makes it timeless. Carrying over ideas from classic horror movies (like corrupt law enforcement) and blending them with new techniques (like camera angle shots through a blown out skull to the broken glass and street behind) has made this movie one of my favorites of all time. I know, it is a remake. I know that the original kicked ass, but this is the Soft Core Porn of the horror World- its horror with a plot.

#2. Rob Zombie's, House of 1000 Corpses
Rob Zombie borrows and steals his ideas in this movie, but it turned out to be a masterpiece and one of my favorite movies of 2003. The cinematography was an intense mixture of virtual sound scape of mind fuck and unbelievable camera techniques. The most memorable scene is a long, drawn out (near silent) execution in the middle of the day. The clown rears its ugly head and the cheerleader always gets laughed at in the end. Put on a dead mans face and ask yourself...Who's your Daddy.

#3. Monster
I will have to say this movie is not on the scary side, but it did have ugly deaths and ugly prostitutes. When i saw this movie for the first time, I was traumatized to see Charlize Theron look the way she did. The acting was INCREDIBLE and worthy of an award...wait she got one. Based on a true story, this compelling movie was right out of every business man's worst nightmare. Death via hooker for revenge is not on any ones list of a fun time, but this movie made the viewer sympathise with the villain like any good kidnapped victim usually is. When killing someone, it is always important to get a beer and a good meal after you have washed your dirty hands on the victims credit card.

So... Are these the best from 2003? I think so.

Picture from "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" Courtesy of http://irishgothichorrorjournal.homestead.com