Friday the 13th.. PART 12!!!!

Okay, so a weekend ago i saw Friday the 13th.. the NEW REMAKE. A remake of a classic movie? How unique!! Anyways, yea.. I have good news for the masses.. it honestly ain't that bad.

The movie takes place in a.. semi-separate dimension.. between the first film and the 2nd and 3rd. If your not familiar with the story-line.. its about a child that was ignored by camp councilors and left to drown. Years later he comes back as a machete wielding, hockey mask wearing, super-mutant-of-a-man and slays anything and everything that enjoys premarital sex, drugs, and an overall good time. I'm pretty sure its roots are from classic horror story told at camps around the world.

Welp, this time around the infamous Camp Crystal Lake is a secret pot haven that college kids flock to in order to get free weed. The back-story is still there.. but, one thing i noticed is the story lacked an origin story for Jason (Other than the whole drowning thing. You never get why he's alive.. or if he's a ghost or something different), which i am totally fine with, but it does leave a gaping hole at the beginning of the film. I honestly don't want to ruin anything so i'll stop with the synopsis and get to the reviewing.

Now when i saw the original trailer.. i was a little hesitant. Seeing Michael Bay's name attached to the project honestly was a deterrent for me. Anything this guy has produced in the last decade has been garbage, or borderline garbage (Unborn, Transformers, TCM remakes, The Hitcher, etc. ). SO, my expectations for this film was set pretty damn low.

The opening 30 minutes were pretty epic.. and i am surprised horror movies haven't utilized the same setup.. or maybe they have and i haven't seen them. Honestly, its ingenious. All the actors held up pretty well and there were some GORGEOUS titties in this film. At one point, whilst fuckin a chick, a guy is constantly complementing her breasts ("Your nipple placement is amazing!") and honestly, all the guys in the audience are thinking the same thing. The kills are subtle nods to the films of the past and are semi-creative and well done. There isn't much gore in the film, which i am also fine with. I think some films can take gore to an extreme.. to a point where it actually works against the film. The pacing is decent.. your always waiting for Jason to appear and kill something, but near the end it drags slightly. People who go to see this movie and expect to witness horror glory.. something brand new and mind blowing are going to be disappointed. This is the 12th addition to this particular franchise.. so its hard to be original. Honestly, the film doesn't take itself to seriously.. the dialogue is laughable at times, even some of the deaths.. but i think thats what they were going for. Its just a good time. Again, it reminds me of the old Slasher genre.. where the audience bounces between rooting for the characters and rooting for the monster.

Now the gripes. Jason has become a mystical ninja-like being that can teleport and stab things through objects with uncanny precision. At one point in the film Jason kills a man outside near a house.. the camera pans to the window where everyone's watching/listening to the screams, then pans above the window.. and Jason is standing on the roof. Really? He's this giant ogre-like man. I don't think he runs once in the film.. he just appears! Again, this brings me to wonder if he was meant to be a ghost of sorts.. but.. he takes damage like a regular human. Anyways, if you can deal with that.. you can enjoy the movie more. Also, a lot of the creepy old people that appeared in the in TCM remake appear in this one! That pissed me off a little and honestly took me out of the whole atmosphere of the film. Shouldn't those folks be in some dusty Texas town? Why are they near a lush camp suddenly? Boooooo.

Overall its a campy good time. Have a drink or two prior to seeing the movie.. feel free to yell at the screen and say "What the fuck!?" a few times. It doesn't totally make sense.. but its a fun time! A decent afternoon for $8.

Overall Rating: B

Check out all 900 films on DVD and BlueRay (ok maybe there is not that many....)

Natzi's

Okay, so I (DevilsDoormat) am a movie nerd.. and this was brought to my attention today via my buddy Ryan. What does it have to do with Horror? Well i think it marks Eli Roth's first acting debut (YES he's been in other films, but never a main character).. aka the director behind such gems as Hostel 1, Hostel 2, Cabin Fever, and the glorious Thanksgiving trailer in Grindhouse. So here it is.. Tarantino's upcoming flick.. Inglorious Bastards!

My Retort..

SPEAKING OF BRUTAL BEATINGS... i got one for ya. This is from the movie i reviewed earlier.. the scene that i "almost fast forwarded through". I sent it to my friend and he complained about how fake it looked, but i guess you had to watch the entire movie for this to really effect you. Either way.. let the blood flow.. WARNING: Graphic violence ensues.. Buy it from Amazon or watch the trailer

SOUP IT TO ME!

OK, this is one of THE COOLEST beatings i have ever seen- Was it blood? Was it soup? I don't know! (its about half way through this VERY fucked up movie from the 90's called "Nowhere"... Not horror but a good-mind fuck with an alien...

And it strikes again

"COLLINSVILLE, Ill.—Pranksters in at least three states are messing with electronic road signs meant to warn motorists of possible traffic problems by putting drivers on notice about Nazi zombies and raptors. And highway safety officials aren't amused.
The latest breach came Tuesday during the morning rush hour near Collinsville, Ill., where hackers changed a sign along southbound Interstate 255 to read, "DAILY LANE CLOSURES DUE TO ZOMBIES."

A day earlier in Indiana's Hamilton County, the electronic message on a board in Carmel's construction zone warned drivers of "RAPTORS AHEAD—CAUTION."

And signs in Austin, Texas, recently flashed: "NAZI ZOMBIES! RUN!!!" and "ZOMBIES IN AREA! RUN."

Officials in Illinois are concerned the rewritten signs distract motorists from heeding legitimate hazards down the road. The hacked sign on Tuesday originally warned drivers of crews replacing guardrails.

"We understood it was a hoax, but at the same time those boards are there for a reason," said Joe Gasaway, an Illinois Department of Transportation supervisory field engineer. "We don't want (drivers) being distracted by a funny sign."

Authorities haven't figured out how pranksters access the signs. Gasaway believes the Illinois sign was changed remotely, and Austin Public Works spokeswoman Sara Hartley suspected the hackers there cut a padlock to get into the signs' computers.

Some Web sites, such as Jalopnik.com, have published tutorials titled "How to Hack an Electronic Road Sign" as a way to alert security holes to traffic-safety officials. Jalopnik urges its readership of 2.6 million a month not to put its lesson to practice.

"Hacking generally is about showing where there are holes in security systems, and I think this is a great example of that," the site's editor-in-chief, Ray Wert, told The Associated Press by telephone Wednesday. "I'm sure there are all sorts of ways to use that information in a way that's inappropriate, but we're trying to make clear this is an issue that needs to be confronted by traffic safety and transportation officials."

Wert said he had no immediate plans to take down Jalopnik's how-to guide.

In Illinois, tampering with an official traffic control device is a misdemeanor punishable by up to a $250 fine—half what a culprit might have to pay in Texas if caught. If convicted in Indiana, a culprit faces up to a year in jail and $5,000 in fines." (story courtesy of: http://ydr.inyork.com/ci_11628613)

It seems as though the makers of "Dead Snow" are also friends with the makers of "Jurassic Park"... Maybe there will be another Jurassic movie? Wouldn't surprise me now-a-days...
Picture of Raptor sign courtesy of: http://ydr.inyork.com/ci_11628613

Please put the monkey back in the jungle