Publicity stunt? I think so

I may be wrong (and i usually am) but could it be possible that this is a publicity stunt by the makers of upcoming Indie-Flick "Dead Snow"? You can be the judge...

Can't Wait till' JUNE of 2009!

This movie ("A Haunting in CT" 2009) looks AMAZING and FINALLY! An ORIGINAL!!!! I guess...even though it was once a documentary/reenactment on the Discovery Channel...
This shiz looks AMAZING! I remember watching it on Discovery and thinking- wow, this would make a great movie. It was well done- I hope the movie is just as good! At least the trailer looks good...

PLEASE! "Last House on the Left" (2009)

Can ANYONE make a new horror movie? At least Wes Craven is a part of this. We'll see, but I'm PISSED!

Im Scared

This is a little scary. Don't get me wrong- I LOVE Bridget Marquardt (she is smart, funny, LOVES horror Movies, and Loves to dress up in Costume (hello, so do I) but, this movie makes me sad. She had the potential to do so many great things being the producer of this flick. It seems like it has some bad acting from Holly Madison and some great acting from Bridget herself, but PLEASE! If another bad movie comes out I think I may scream- not in a scared way. I will give this movie a chance until i see it like i do all movies, but i hope for her movie career sake this ones not as bad as the trailer.

Words can't even describe....

Even though I prepared myself for the worst, there was still a glimmer of hope going into seeing this movie ("My Bloody Valentine 3D" 2009).
It was quite possibly one of the worst movies i have ever seen, and that is pretty bad because I have seen some bad ones. I was optimistic seeing the crowd pour into the theater- it was almost a full house. I thought to myself, hmmm... this must be a good sign because it is not opening weekend, so maybe this will be a good movie after all. Holy Shit was I wrong.
This movie started off making no sense, and ended the same way- DUMB. The 3D effects were well done, but it felt more like seeing a short on how to make 3D effects then a good story. Even though I know it was a remake, it could have been WORLDS better. The idea of doing a remake is to bring the fan base from the original to a new, brighter movie.
This movie was just sad- I actually felt bad for the actor's future careers. People laughing is NOT what I want to hear at a horror flick- and neither is hearing myself laughing. There was a scene at the beginning where a character walked around naked for well over 10 minutes- sure sign there that there is some great scenes in this movie.
The plot led you in confusing turns and twists, and they never made much sense- even at the long awaited end. The acting reminded me of the butlers character from "Mr. Deeds" (you know the very sneeky guy). They seemed to slide in and out of the frame with no merit to where they came from or why they were there- which made it comical.
The highlight of the movie for me, was when it ended. I DO NOT recommend going to see this movie, unless you want a good laugh. It made me want to throw up that I payed $12 to sit through it.

Bring on the Pink Eye

FINALLY going to see "My Bloody Valentine 3D" (2009) tonight.
I'm wishing that the 3D glasses are germ free and disposable- or I'm lookin at a case of the Pink Eye like I got in Orlando last year (thank you Super Man Ride).
Maybe I'll even get over priced popcorn...and some candy...
So, with nothing but my hoodie on my back...
I'm hoping for decent and PRAYING for a good flick.

Uwe Boll.... of CRAP!

Oh Uwe Boll (You-Bowl), i don't even know where to begin. Uwe Boll is the notorious director of such amazing movies as; BloodRayne, In the Name of the King: Dungeon Siege, Postal, House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark. Yes, this is the man responsible for almost every video game movie to come out in the last 10 years.. and each one was complete crap. The media has torn into this poor man over and over again and it has gotten to the point where I actually felt sorry for him. SO, when i saw that he made a legit, NON-VIDEO GAME, movie.. i was willing to forget everything i ever knew about his work and judge his work on a clean slate. The name of this movie is SEED.

"Max Seed (Will Sanderson), a man responsible for the death of 666 people over the past 6 years, is on the loose. The cops have just received videos portraying the death and decomposition of creatures ranging from a cockroach to a full-grown woman. Somehow, they trace the videos to the residence of Seed and head in to put a stop to the madman. The lead man on the case, Detective Matt Bishop (Michael Paré), captures Seed and brings him in. Seed is soon sentenced to death by electric chair. . . thats when the problems start. As we learn from the opening slide of the film, state law says that anyone who survives three shocks in the chair is legally permitted to go free. After the second shock fails to stop Seeds heart, the Warden Arnold Calgrove (Ralf Moeller) and Dr. Parker Wickson (Andrew Jackson) decide to declare Seed dead anyway to risk his escape. Seed is then buried and forgotten. . . but crazed serial killers dont forget that easily. Seed soon returns from the grave, very much alive, and starts a brutal vengeance tour through all those that wronged him. " (Synopsis via IMDB)

Alright, so the Synopsis doesn't seem to original, but this film had its moments, mainly in the gore category, but that is where my hatred for this film is spawned.

The thing that bugged me most about this film was its opening. It literally starts with a message from Uwe Boll stating:

"This movie contains graphic and disturbing footage of real events. We have incorporated this footage into the context of this film to make a statement about humanity. For more information.. visit http://www.peta.org"

Whoa whoa whoa, what?! RED FLAG!

What follows is roughly 5 minutes of animals being brutalized while Max Seed watches in silence. We get to see a boiled dog-like animal thats still alive.. another animal being skinned alive.. and numerous cuts of animals being smashed around by people. Fantastic. Honestly, it was a good mood setter for what was about to be vomited on screen, but i thought he went a little to far. In the first 5 minutes you begin to get the idea this is a giant ad for PETA.. and it pretty much was.

There was another scene in particular that i almost fast forwarded through, but i stuck to my guns and watched. It was like watching a train wreck, you just couldn't turn away. I think THIS was what he was getting at. We see things happening to people in horror movies and are pretty much unphased. We always put confidence in the director that he won't push it to far and he'll protect us. In this one scene there was no comfort level. Max Seed had captured another victim and placed her in a chair.. then moved from light taps with a hammer.. to full on running at her and swinging. Sound cliche? Well the camera never moves once.. never cuts once and lasts about 3 minutes. It was the most powerful scene in the movie, but when it was over i felt it was PETA saying "You can sit by as animals are murdered like this. How do you feel when you see a human murdered this way?" It was just to much, honestly... and i've seen A LOT of horror movies. I can't help but wonder if the opening scene didn't have that message from Uwe Boll, i would have viewed this scene differently.

It was here where i felt Uwe Boll totally has no idea how to bring artistry to a movie. He doesn't know how to make a point other than (no pun intended) bashing us over the head with it. Also, this movie was supposedly taking place in 1979.. and other than put ANY production values into this film he shot much of it in dark-lit areas to cover up the fact the film was made in 2007. He also used a handheld camera for much of the movie.. i assume to give it an indie/gritty feel, but in the end it just made it more and more apparent that this director truly has no right to make films NOR get them on the big screen... which i don't think SEED was.

The acting was nothing special either. Matt Bishop (Will Sanderson) did the best with what he was given, but at no point did you really feel a connection to him. Uwe's introduction to the Matt Bishop character was almost laughable. Almost all the other characters were robots and i don't think one person in particular had more than 20 lines in the movie.

Alright, so in conclusion.. i give this movie a C-. I think if they edited it another way, took out the animal brutality in the beginning, and tied up a few loose ends.. it could have been an underground cult classic. As it is.. i'd only recommend this movie to Gore-Hounds (there are some amazing scenes of gore) and PETA fans.

Until next time.

-Devilsdoormat.

Picture of "Seed" from: http://www.impawards.com

Oh Yeah? HELL YA!

Official Poster Revealed!!

Picture of "H2" (2009) Courtesy of: http://tinyurl.com/73wbr8

Meet the Hamilton Family...

"The Hamiltons" (2006) was one of the first movies in the "8 Films to Die For" series a couple years ago, and DEFINITELY one of my favorites. An old fashion scare-a-thon, this movie has your basic dysfunctional family who is just trying to fit into society.

Oldest brother is the caretaker of them all (the parents "died in an accident") and from the beginning the creepy comb-over is, creepy enough. Young brother and the "twins" (one goth one heartthrob) make the family and they are just adorable. Bwa-ha-ha...

In order to be a part of the family- you have to collect things, and all of those things are people. The youngest brother is on the cusp of freaking out about the family secret- and being a part of it. He struggles to gain acceptance from his family and having nurturing feelings to one of the collections. The family is full of sociopaths and inappropriate relationships with each other (mainly the dirtiness of the twins). They keep moving from town to town, because eventually their collections turn up missing and the world get suspicious. Its hard to keep quiet in a bloody world when you have a social worker who gets suspicious...

Is this movie a Hard-Core-Horror Gore Masterpiece? No. However- I LOVE this movie. It is Pure Evil, Pure Fun, and Partial Gore. "The Hamilton Family" (2006) uses classic horror scare tactics and doesn't throw blood in your face, but implies it which to me can be just as effective as seeing it. I really enjoyed getting sucked into this family and their twisted tale directed by non-other than the cleverly named
"Butcher Brothers"... I think we will see these directors in the future. I predict big things from them.

Picture from "The Hamiltons" (2006) Courtesy of: http://tinyurl.com/9p8vzt

It's Gonna Be WILD

The Popular Children's Horror Book will now be a Movie! (I knew I would be destined for a life of Horror movies). I LOVED this book as a child and my sister would scream and hide from looking at the pictures:
I remember being FASCINATED by my sister's fear of this book- not in a creepy "Serial Killer" way but in a confused way (how did that book make her do that!).
I'm sure my adult sister won't find this movie scary now, but the memory will always be there.
Plus, I have seen pictures and clips of this upcoming movie and it looks intense.
"Where the Wild Things Are" comes to Theaters October 2009.

POST DEDICATED TO DANI

Picture from the Film "Where the Wild Things Are" (2009) is from: http://tinyurl.com/a5afks

STABBED MOVIEGOER?

Really? I mean Really? Its stuff like this that RUINS the horror industry........
A Kid got STABBED after the movie "My Bloody Valentine 3D" (2009) by a security guard who tried to force the youth out of the building. The poor kid was just waiting for his ride home (see, from his mother like i mentioned in a previous post). The youth was rushed to a nearby hospital to get 6 stitches in his stomach. Why did it have to be at a horror movie? I mean C'mon! Maybe we can all watch "Scream 3" (2000) to get some pointers for next time.........
To read more about this stabbing see the article at: http://tinyurl.com/7omgyz

"My Bloody Valentine"

The reviews are in and they look decent- not great but not awful so ill take a chance. Next weekend though- I like to wait until the teenie-boppers have had their fix (my mom wont be dropping me off so ill wait). I hope to throw on some pink eye disinfected glasses and jump into the ride.
Picture of "my Bloody Valentine" Courtesy of: http://www.exclaim.ca/

13 Fear is Real? Not on a Fake Set...

"13 FEAR IS REAL" (2009)? Is it great TV? No. Is it ok TV? Yeah it's ok. This show had MAJOR potential to actually be cool, but it turned into a horror show- and not in a good way. It is mildly horrifically entertaining, yet extremely comical.

The Basis of the Reality show is 13 twenty-somethings stuck in the middle of nowhere in a swamp faced with a scary situations and bazaar twists and turns- yes, there are bugs.

Just like survivor and fear factor, there are challenges that the group must go through to avoid being kicked off the island...oh shit I meant to say avoid the elimination round. The elimination (they call it the execution...much spookier to say) has the people on the chopping block get out of scary horror like scenarios in order to stay on the show.

Last week two girls were buried alive and had to break through the coffin and the ground to stay "alive". I'm pretty sure even though one succeeded the break out both girls "stayed alive". I don't understand why these people are so scared of the dark- its a freakin reality show that has a camera crew on every turn.

This weeks episode had the execution round with a chained cage of rats on their heads. The rats had no way of getting to their faces, and even if they had, they really would not have messed them up that bad- rats you buy for TV usually are not vicious, just slightly nibbly.

Do i recommend this Horrific Horror Reality TV Show?
Sure! Just don't get pissed, it's just reality TV not anything worth while.

Dead Snow? I'll Watch it at NINE!

I'm actually VERY-Kind-of interested to see this Indie-Flick......
http://www.deadsnow.com/

Picture from "Dead Snow" Courtesy of: twitchfilm.net

C'MON!

Is "Quarantine" (2008) out on DVD yet! GEEEEEEZ! I missed this in the theater and I want to see it now! I think the DVD release is Feb. 17th 2009- WAY too far away! Jennifer Carpenter from "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" (2005) is an AMAZING actress and I cant wait to see her performance in this movie. I know that "Quarantine" is a remake of the Spanish movie "REC" and that it got bad reviews- but that never stops me!

Photo of Jennifer Carpenter, "Quarantine" (2008) Courtesy of: www.shocktillyoudrop.com

The trip may be worth it

When you scream in your grave in a Haitian graveyard, does it really make a sound? In Wes Craven's "The Serpant and the Rainbow" (1988) he brings to life a near true story- well, the part with the zombies at least. The story of Christophe and Margarete is true- it has been documented that they were dead and found wandering the streets many moons later. One thing is truly certain, when a shaman tells you that you need to drink the liquid that makes you trip your balls off, you had better do it to get your spirit saving animal.

Wes Craven shows his familiar side, symbolism and visuals so wonderfully put together you would say that tree branch is actually a human hand. Is what we have decided in our own culture as an over flow from hell really a voodoo curse of the living dead?

Whenever i see cemeteries that are above ground I get a creepy feeling (I saw a TON of these while rebuilding houses in Honduras- they scared the shit out of me). This is seen most times in places with a high water table (New Orleans). One thing that did confuse me in this movie, was the vast abundance of these raised graves and all the "zombies" made in the movie seemed to be buried under ground. Was this done because of it being an American made movie for a greater effect? Was the book depicted in the same way I would love to find out but I am lazy and not in a reading mood this evening. I am sure, however that no matter which way a voodoo priest buries you it cant be good. I guess no one wants to be buried alive now do they... and there is a lot less dirt to crawl through when there is none of it on top of you.

I do hope that no goats were harmed in the making of this movie.

Picture of Puffer Fish from: www.nationalgeographic.com

Let the Beating Begin

I know I'm going to get beat up for saying this- but i am SO sick of people saying that the Halloween Movies were the best horror movies of all time. Really? I mean... REALLY?
Somewhere stuffed in between Baby-Sitter shit and Soft-Core-Horror, these movies lacked any kind of actual fear....oooooooo I'm afraid of the man that i let catch up with me when he walks slower than an 80 year old man oooooo.
If those of you just read that and said to yourself, "but that's what makes him so scary!" then you really have to check your reality.
That does not make something scary- it makes you confused into thinking that its scary.

Now Rob Zombies rendition- that's some scary shit.

Little boy (Daeg Faerch) who looks like a living Blond Chucky Doll?
Scary.
Little Boy who moves super quickly to kill his nurse?
Scary.
Little Boy Strong as hell who grows up to be a part time lifer in a mental ward that makes him more crazy?
Scary.
Fat old man walking at a pace of George Burns?
LAME.

Any Questions?


Picture of "Halloween" Courtesy of: www.gonemovies.com

Something to Really Fear

"Fear" (1996) I have decided should have been made into a Lifetime movie instead of a full length film. How this sorry excuse for a Horror\Thriller\creepy movie grossed as much money in the box office as it did blows my mind. Hottie-Hot Markie Mark aside, its nice to see a chubby pre-Legally Blond star and a washed up, finally made into those Lifetime Movies Sam from Who's the Boss from before they were on the covers of the tabloids.
As I always have, I continue to revisit this movie, time and time again, because it was teenage should not be watching it fun from when i was a kid. Is it Horror? Yeah because I ALWAYS have to fast-forward the part with the poor Dog getting it's dead skull rammed through the dog door- that's the real scary shit.
This movie had SOME good parts, like when Mark (eh, sorry David) beats himself in the chest with that fucked up look in his eyes. Or, when Toby (little bro) runs over one of the thugs in his mom's jeep attempting to make a call on the (hahahhaha) car phone. It has some good suspense, but sadly, it was ALL saved for the last 15 minutes of this movie. Fluff-Fluff-BAM!
But, all-in-all, "Fear" is a thriller wrapped in what wants to be a horror movie but wont even quite make it to the babysitter channel.
Mark Wahlberg's entourage in this movie should have worked harder- they never made it past the Lost Boys dressing room. His homies in the movie were so super stereotypical mid-90's thugs they gave Jay and Silent Bob a run for there money- well...not really. Don't worry Mark, you made much better movies (like... um, um, .... the Happening was at least a C-) so, say hi to your mutha for me alright?

Picture "Fear" Courtesy of: www.xanga.com

Soft-Core Horror

Dubbed responsible for anything I decide, Soft-Core Horror is not as it sounds.

SOFT-CORE HORROR is anything that has a plot, yet still has a large amount of jazz-er-size to it. Such as the remake of "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (2003). PLENTY of bloody n hanging from a meat hook, and PLENTY of sappy story about a lovely couple. Together, the combination makes for an amazing horror movie that is easy to put yourself into. When you can relate to a character, you feel more fear.

PURE-Horror is dubbed for anything that is lacks a mind-altering plot- such as the original "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (1973) with the running, running, running, (ving-ving) running and running some more. This movie was AMAZING, and carried everything that is needed in true horror- blood and death and some ving-ving. Don't get me wrong, i am a big fan of the Ving-Ving, but I feel as though it needs a little more.

Now in a genre all its own, is what i like to call Baby-Sitter-Horror. This is minimal nasty-gore-effects and maximum lame story. Perfect example of this, is the remake of the movie "Shutter" (2008), when that kid from Dawson's Creek talks WAY too much and there is an occasional eeek-jump moment with some creepy dead chick. When the plot outweighs the gore- you have yourself a shitty Baby-Sitter-Horror Movie.

So... The results? Soft-Core-Horror is the way to go.

Best 3 DVD's from 2003

#1. Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the remake.
It's not every movie that a disturbed hitch-hiker has a gun holster in her vagina. It is, on the other hand, every horror movie that you see a girl in a wet (white) t-shirt run through a frozen meat locker with no bra. This movie carries it's own cliches, but in a good way that makes it timeless. Carrying over ideas from classic horror movies (like corrupt law enforcement) and blending them with new techniques (like camera angle shots through a blown out skull to the broken glass and street behind) has made this movie one of my favorites of all time. I know, it is a remake. I know that the original kicked ass, but this is the Soft Core Porn of the horror World- its horror with a plot.

#2. Rob Zombie's, House of 1000 Corpses
Rob Zombie borrows and steals his ideas in this movie, but it turned out to be a masterpiece and one of my favorite movies of 2003. The cinematography was an intense mixture of virtual sound scape of mind fuck and unbelievable camera techniques. The most memorable scene is a long, drawn out (near silent) execution in the middle of the day. The clown rears its ugly head and the cheerleader always gets laughed at in the end. Put on a dead mans face and ask yourself...Who's your Daddy.

#3. Monster
I will have to say this movie is not on the scary side, but it did have ugly deaths and ugly prostitutes. When i saw this movie for the first time, I was traumatized to see Charlize Theron look the way she did. The acting was INCREDIBLE and worthy of an award...wait she got one. Based on a true story, this compelling movie was right out of every business man's worst nightmare. Death via hooker for revenge is not on any ones list of a fun time, but this movie made the viewer sympathise with the villain like any good kidnapped victim usually is. When killing someone, it is always important to get a beer and a good meal after you have washed your dirty hands on the victims credit card.

So... Are these the best from 2003? I think so.


Picture from "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" Courtesy of http://irishgothichorrorjournal.homestead.com